wallflower
by hinoiri lwin
Summary: they grew up, somehow. the only thing left is to forgive and forget. (post-anime) —yuunoa—


**wall** _flow_ er

* * *

—the sun is almost burning now, and the flowers of regret beneath their windows wilt into corpses.

* * *

 _ **author's babbles:**_  
 _.what is this. what. is. this.  
.i tried to write semper memento. i really did.  
.fyi, i think i've a writer's block, at least, for semper memento. and the new episode is not helping. angst everywhere.  
.this is suck, i'd tell you. i've just finished my first ever semester tests and i'm pretty sure my hair growth is declining.  
.this is suck (2)  
.enjoy reading :)_

* * *

 _-  
the only thing he regrets is; not being there when they needed him the most, and perhaps;_

 _to not say his goodbyes when he knew that it's going to reach its end, to not say that he loves them so much when he had the chance_

 _sometimes the guilt burns his heart heavily like it burns water,_

 _and it hurts so badly he wants to sleep and never wake up, forever.  
-_

* * *

Winter comes early that year.

Yuichiro watches as the world being painted into a shade of boring white, and thinks the color doesn't suit him that much. He isn't made from glass; translucent and taintless, no. On the contrary, he is full of taints. His every being is tainted.

Whenever he sees himself, he sees his family instead. He sees himself holding Mika's dead body instead. And perhaps, it's not a mistake to say that he's going to see and taste crimson, _forever_.

(It is a _sin_ he would have to carry through the rest of his life, for abandoning a family behind.)

It might have been five years since that day.

Five years since the death of his first-born family. Five years since he was a child with no painful memory to bury. Five years since his heart stopped beating the way it used to be.

(Five years since he left them to die.)

He remembers then, that night in sanguinem; the sky was a shade of cranberry, purple-red and black swirling above him in nauseous dance; the air was damp and suffocating, wet with blood and tears; the soft glow of honeyed light upon his blood-smeared skin; and the painful cries of a death's march ringing within his ears. He remembers it all.

The cold inside him escalates as the snow kisses the column of his neck. His body is freezing cold. The _memories_ turn him cold, and so does the snow. It glides against his skin like a lover's caress, soft and fragile, it shapes like sakura's petal, or perhaps a star, he isn't sure which, but he likes it. He likes snow as long as he can remember.

He doesn't know, though, whether he likes cold or not. Cold is enemy, despite its nature, it _burns_.

He hates to be burned.

(He hates cold, then.)

"What are you doing here alone, Yuu-san?" a small hand nudges his side, breaking his train of thoughts into pieces. He tears his eyes from the freezing crossroads to stare at her; pools of chestnut, hyacinth hair, twin braids, purple ribbon; he knows this girl so well. "Are you peeking again? How shameful of you~"

He rolls his eyes in exasperation, but says nothing to counter her silly remark. Shinoa has always been crazy for him. A spiral of never-ending loophole he can never escape. She is a mystery, a stack of puzzles which missing parts; she is hard to read, hard to understand.

(But he tries to understand her, despite all.)

"Ne, are you okay?" she drops her act when there is only silence, and laces her fingers behind her. "You seem… different."

He shrugs nonchalantly and shoves his hands into his pocket. He isn't sure what to answer. He hasn't been okay for a very long time now. But he guesses; a lie is better than half-truth, isn't it?

"I'm okay." he said, forcing a lazy grin. "Nothing's wrong. Everything is dandy."

"You're being sarcastic." she frowns. "Idiots _can't_ be sarcastic."

"Ha-ha, very funny." he deadpans and glares at her, his grin turns into scowl. "Just go, Shinoa. Stop bothering me."

"So rude~" she pouts. "Why are you so unlovable, Yuu-san?"

He snorts and pinches her cheeks gently. _Her skin is so soft_ , he thinks. "Oh really?" he raises an eyebrow. "Aren't I your favorite comrade ever, Shinoa? You hardly leave me alone, after all."

"T-That's different." she blushes prettily, rose blooming beneath her heated face, but she makes no move to remove his fingers and instead she stares at him with those beautiful coppers eyes he finds intriguing. "You're my responsibility, of course I can't leave you alone."

 _Her responsibility, huh?_

Yuichrio rips his hand back into his side. It's always been that way for them, he thinks. Him; the prisoner. Her; the keeper. There's never been in between, it's always been her or him; never them, never together. And for once, he has the urge to change that twisted perception and bury it six feet under until no one is able to bring it back again.

He wants to erase that blurry, blurry line which separates them apart. To take it down and break it; which one doesn't really matter, for she is the only thing left close to home. Shinoa is too important for him, he realizes.

(She makes him forget bad memories. She helps him redeem. She brings warmth into his monochrome days.)

He doesn't know when, but she has built a place of her own within him. She fixes him, mends him, makes him whole. And for the first time in forever, Yuichiro sees himself clearly.

Not Mika's dead body, not his family's corpses, only his own reflection now.

(And all because of _her_.)

"Shinoa?"

"What is it?"

"Thank you."

"…..for what?"

"Dunno. I just want to say it."

"…..you're really weird today, Yuu-san." she tilts her head. "Really, really weird."

He shrugs and pats her head. "Nah. It's just you. Anyway, have you grown taller?" he teases her then, changing the topic.

"Rude~ I've always been this tall you bully." she pouts, landing a palm against his broad chest. She looks cute with that pout, he thinks. "See? You're so unloveable. The only thing that stops me from ignoring you is because you're helpless without me, so be grateful."

"Are you sure," he tilts his head and brought his face closer. She squirms. He smiles. "That's the only reason?"

He loves it to ruin her composure, to see this perfect girl loses her mask and be honest, for once. He doesn't know where this confidence came from, but he wants to _break_ her, to tear down her walls like she did him. It's frightening how much he wants to expose every bit of her. The wanting is almost hard to control. A feral kind of thing. Hard, hard to resist.

"Yes." she shifts her eyes, refusing to meet his unreadable ones. Seeing this only makes him take his move even further, a coy smirk stretches on his face as he watches the girl blushes ten shades of red. "I'm s-sure."

Yuichiro chuckles softly, because his little leader looks very cute when she is lying, and more, when she is lying to _him_.

"Are you sure that it isn't because you love me?"

Silence welcomes him.

And that instant, he knows what her answer will be _._

(It supposed to be a game, really, but in the end he gets more than he bargained for.)

* * *

 _-  
the only thing she regrets is; losing someone she once held dear, and perhaps;_

 _not saying goodbye when she had the chance, not apologize when she knew it's the last time she would ever had._

 _the guilt is clear and vivid, and sometimes when she looks in the mirror, she sees her (very dead, very beautiful) sister instead,_

 _and it makes the wound beneath her plastic smile go even deeper, even wider.  
-_

* * *

"You love me." he says, a hand upon her reddening cheeks and an arm sneaks around her hips, holding her in. "You _love_ me."

Shinoa is still for a moment, before she sighs and pulls his long digits to curl her own in between; relenting. "Yes." she breathes, her voice merely a wisp of wet air between her lips. There is no use of lying now, is there? "I _do_ love you, Yuu-san."

He stares at her for a moment which feels like forever, lips thin into a line and eyes darkening into shamrock-green. There is storm inside his orbs; a raging war, perhaps, and she is reminded again that her life is not a fairy tale. She's not a princess nor he's her prince charming. And honestly, life has never been this cruel.

(Not since Mahiru's, at the very least.)

Shinoa knows how their story would end.

"You don't love me." she whispers and steps away, her voice breaks like a thousand glass. She knows that it's stupid for her to hope. There's no way he feels the same. "I should have known since the beginning."

His manic greens shoot open and he restrains her hand from letting go. "That's not—"

"No." she rubs her burning eyes and wonders why it feels so hard to look at him now. His very being burns her whole. "I understand, you don't have to—"

"Shinoa I'm—"

"—say anything. I'm just being—"

"Listen—"

"—stupid. Please just forget—"

"SHINOA!"

She freezes, tangerine orbs wide and lips part a little. She looks up to find him glowering at her with those flaring forest-green, all green orbs she loves so much.

"I said," he hisses, "Listen."

She does, and it takes only a second to silence her mouth, but it takes longer to tame the raging beat inside her chest. Because the love she feels for him is burning gold like wildfire, it ignites a spark only true love manages to create, and right now, the love is getting stronger. Brighter, and she supposes it might have be a forever she could never pass, not when he is here, with her.

But loving is not something she understands as a whole.

(For him, she tries to understand.)

"Shinoa." he calls her again, and this time gentler, like droplets of snow around them. She likes to imagine that he feels like snow, and tastes like one, too.

"Yes?" she whispers, tangerine orbs peek through her long lashes but she does not catch his eyes for she is afraid to see something she's not ready for inside those jaded greens.

(His eyes remind her of home, except it's _not_ her home. She has _no_ home to begin with.)

"Do you love me?" he asks, his breath whips her searing skin. "Are you _in_ love with _me_?"

She shuts her mouth again, once more weaving silence in between. The answer is easy, she knows. But it doesn't mean that she is ready for heartbreak. Her heart is too damaged to be broken again.

"Shinoa." he pushes and pushes and the heat which spreads through her skin is almost scorching. "Answer me."

"I….." she pauses to lick her lips. "I'm…. I'm not sure. It depends."

"Huh?" he blinks at her, and for a split of second she sees confusion across his eyes. "What are you—?"

"There's something…." her blush deepens. "Something… I need to know first."

"What it is?" he says, almost impatiently.

"It's stupid." she throws her head away. "Just forget it."

He sighs tiredly into the air and massages the bridge of his nose. "Dammit. Stop talking in circles."

"Then," she bits her lips and prepares herself from the upcoming pain. "Would you kiss me?"

"…excuse me?"

The stare he gives her is a sight to remember.

Shinoa puts on a smile and repeats her question again _._

(It supposed to be a game, a silly, silly game but she loses, badly.)

* * *

 _-  
regret is, a very fleeting thing to hold into._

 _they need another reason to keep on living, don't they?_

 _it's time to bid their farewell  
-_

* * *

"You want me to kiss you?" he says, pulling back from her. "Why?"

"Because I want to?" she mutters and tilts her head, peering through her eyelashes. "Isn't that enough reason?"

He bits his lower lips and her eyes trails on them. "No." he bits deeper, "I don't think so."

"You…." she pauses for a moment, searching for the right words, but finds nothing except the cruel reality. "You don't want to kiss me?"

"No!" he snaps at her. "It's not—how did you even—damn it Shinoa stop putting words in my mouth!"

"Then why?" she whispers. "Why won't you kiss me?"

"Because I'm not ready okay?" he sighs. "Because once we did this, there's no coming back. You do understand, don't you? Everything will change. _You_ will change. I don't want that."

"What do you want me to do then?" she growls as the angers pulses through her veins. "To pretend that everything is back to the way it was? Pretend that you and I are nothing but comrades? Pretend that I don't love you?" she pauses to shoot him a desperate look. "Do you think I can do that? Yuu-san, do you?"

"Shinoa please—"

"Is it wrong for me to love you?" she says, her voice breaking.

"Shinoa—"

"Perhaps it is." she laughs quietly with her broken throat. "I guess I made a mistake by loving you, then."

As though something has pricked him with invisible force, his eyes harden into molten green and he grips her shoulder hard, hard enough to leave marks down her ivory skin. The desperation he feels inside makes a part of him breaks because how _dare_ she say he doesn't love her when she is everything he's always think about? When she is everything he wants, and yet can't ever have?

"You shouldn't have said that." he murmurs huskily into her ears. "You _shouldn't_."

She gulps down a knot behind her windpipe. "Y-Yuu-san—"

"Don't regret it." he says, and it is the only thing she remembers before everything around her fades into blurry pictures.

Shinoa jerks backward when his smoldering lips claim her smaller ones, gliding harshly against the soft skin of her mouth it makes her mind blank with unbearable heat. And just as fast, his fingers find their way between her thick locks, tangling themselves among a sea of lavenders he is holding her in, trapping her deep into the heat which flaring _red_ and _alive_.

Perhaps it's an instinct, to bit him when he plunges his tongue in without any warning, a burning sensation suddenly fills her cavern and she tastes steel and rust inside her mouth. He is trying to overpower her, to make her submit, and yet she's never been one to lose, so she returns the heat with the same veracity, hating on the very thought of losing to him. Minutes pass when their lungs begin to fail, even breaths fogging up their damp skin but he doesn't stop, and neither does she. It's a battle of will, she thinks. A battle which has no winner, but she is willing to fight, even though she knows that _he_ knows that there's _nothing_ to fight anymore.

(It's a victory for two, after all.)

Yuichiro draws his face back, to stare into her pair of glassy eyes before he dips down and leaves butterfly kisses along her jawline, soft and tender skin pulsing against his bruised lips. He stops for a moment when he founds her neck, fogging up her flesh crimson with his breath and bit down the sensitive skin which makes her whimper and clutch his hair.

"I love you." he whispers. "But I don't want to lose you. And if you want to love me, that's okay. But I—" his voice cracks like shattering glass. He stops, clears his throat, and blinks the tears from his eyes. "I don't think I'm ready yet. What if I lose you? What if you—" he takes in a breath. "I can't bear it. Not when I'm still trapped inside my past. I don't want you to suffer with me. I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy when I'm with you." she smiles at him, cupping his face inside her palm. This idiot, idiot boy in front of her, he saves her and mends her and she is forever indebted to him. She wants to stay by his side as long as she's allowed to; she wants to be _with_ him.

(Her place is here, by his side.)

"No." he shakes his head. "You don't understand. I'm not ready to lose another person. I don't even know if I will ever be ready but—"

"Me too." she says, laughing. "I'm not ready too, it has been hard for me to accept, but let's try for each other, shall we?"

"You…." he bits his lower lip. "Shinoa I—"

She puts a finger against his lips, tangerine eyes smiling up at him. "Let me be selfish just this once, okay?"

"You're always been selfish." he chuckles, pulls her into an embrace, and kisses her forehead softly. "But it's fine, I love you the way you are."

"I love you too." she says, smiling once more. "I love you, Yuu-san."

(And he realizes, his place is also here, by her side.)

They close their eyes and begin to dream.

* * *

 _the game ends here. reality is waiting.  
shall we go?  
-_

* * *

 **author's note:**

I'm dead. I'm officially dead. I have no idea whatsoever when it comes to semper memento. But then, when I try to write another story my imagination is almost flooding. It's very laughable and you're allowed to laugh. Okay, I think I'm going to bury myself inside a hole. Bye.

Oh well, this is my contribution for my late update (university is a bitch tbh). The latest episode though, it broke my feels, Kagami-sensei whyyyyy. And perhaps, also for all the mess happened in tumblr recently—not that owari fandom isn't being a mess on daily basis, it's just everything is even worse now. I got back into tumblr like, dunno, a month ago? And I'm beginning to rethink my decision because hell, ship wars and hate everyone? I thought tumblr is better after all these years but damn, I'm dead wrong. The only thing that holds me back is I want to post my yuunoa fanarts 'cause there's little to nothing about them in the fandom. Yuunoa shippers need more love :) You can check my tumblr, [hinoowin] if you're interested. There's also spoiler for Semper Memento upcoming chapter (^v^)

Lastly, I'm sorry for any grammatical errors and mistakes inside my story. English is not my mother language and I'm still learning so I'm happy if you could leave a thought or two? Just saying XD. Thank you for reading, minna-san :)

 **hinoirilwin**


End file.
